Reel Randy

A series of emotion and adventure.

Over the past few years, I have encountered highs and lows that have made me into the person I am today. Life does not care about timing, which makes it hard to reflect on situations in the moment. However, each and every experience is an opportunity to learn about yourself. And for a while I struggled with who I was as a person. This series will attempt to break down the aspects of my life that have been monumental in my journey of growth.

How do you react to unfortunate events?
Do you leave your comfort zone?
Why do you portray yourself in that way?
What scares you?
Have you evaluated your perspective?
When do you celebrate achievements?

Risk, Anxiety, Love, Complacency, and Leisure are the facets of my life that bring relevance to the beauty of imperfection. I’ve been mentally stuck in situations that caused me to have a pessimistic outlook on the future. Minor professional success created an arrogant side to my personality. It was more important to care about my people than it was to focus on myself.

Reel Randy is flawed, but loving.
Willing to grow, while prone to failure.
Perpetually conflicted, yet lives with decisions.

This will be an outlet of expression that I hope brings clarity to my thoughts and feelings.

Thanks for reading.

The Moon and The Sea

It’s funny how distant the moon and the sea appear. At first glance, they seem to be unrelated, able to exist on their own. I mean the moon is literally over 200 thousand miles away from the Earth and the depths of the sea have not even been fully explored.

These two beautiful, naturally occurring bodies are more connected than what meets the eye.

You see, the moon causes high and low tides. When the moon and the sea are the closest together, their connection is so strong that the waters are uplifted to new heights. What is crazy is that high tides are also the result of the moon and the sea being at their most distant point from one another.

A high tide can bring fertilization, but it can also bring destruction. A high tide can bring waves of excitement, but it can also bring about an unrealistic lifestyle based on short-term riches.

A high tide is confusing.

Somewhere in between a strong bond and a memory with the moon, the sea reaches his lowest point. The waters seem lost, with no direction. It would be so easy to be on one of the extreme ends of the spectrum, but how can he choose?

The confidence, familiarity, and love that comes with being close to the moon is so desirable at this point. And the thought of breaking away further is exciting and filled with possibilities of what could be.

Who’s to say the sea won’t become stronger, deeper, and more understanding without the moon? Maybe the sea needs the moon, but it’s time figure out the currents on his own.

Sometimes the moon seems like a scapegoat, always there to blame for the shifts of spirit.

While the sea is stuck deciding between which high he wants, the waters become stagnate. Dreaming of the ends of the rainbow has led to a dry reality. The sea is receding, going nowhere but down. He is sobbing, drowning in his own tears.

Who do you care about?

Who will fight for you?

Who do you know will always be in your corner?

Learn from the moon, and love her for the journey. The moon is in your life for a reason. Navigating the waters of life are impossible without reflecting on your current situation. Dream big, but never forget about now.

A sea who knows love will surely make waves.

Thanks for reading.

COVID-MentalHealth

The Coronavirus pandemic is causing this time in our lives to be a very unique experience. Daily routines have been derailed. Grocery shopping is an anxiety filled battlefield. Coughing and sneezing are looked at with weary eyes. Gloves are being worn to the gas station. No sports are being played. Working from home isn’t as easy as you thought it would be. Hanging out with friends means sharing a zoom link. And I can only watch so much Netflix.

Boredom
is
setting
in.

It has been (and still is) a struggle to keep sane during this quarantine.

I’ve been keeping busy with work which has helped me wake up with a purpose. I made myself a long list of work projects that I can do from home and knocking them off one by one feels good. Also, the dynamic of virtual collaboration has been interesting and isn’t the worst. The face time atmosphere always makes me smile for whatever reason.

Cooking is also a highlight of my day. We bought more than 15 dozen eggs before the stay at home order, so breakfast has been on point. My breakfast bowls include eggs (of course), sausage, turkey, spinach, and knockoff Canes toast that I found at the store. Our fridge is super stocked with all kinds of meats and things. I’ve made a 3 different kinds of roast in the crock pot: pork, beef, and deer. The deer was the best. Last night I made a stir fry with chicken thighs and it was bomb. I can honestly say that I’ve never cooked myself dinner this much. I like it.

Since we are being told to stay in our homes and to practice social distancing when we go out it is easy to get into a habit of watching TV shows and playing video games. I have been watching the new season of Ozark (which is wild), Dave (which is hilarious), and Westworld (which has me questioning the nature of my reality). It has been nice to be able to watch all of these cool shows, but if this was all I was doing in my free time I would go absolutely insane.

My body needs physical activity. Not only for my joints and muscles, but for my mind. Exerting physical energy has really been helping me deal with the boredom and repetitiveness of the quarantine life.

I have been going on runs through the park, biking through the neighborhood, and I even put together a back yard gym using cinder blocks and dumbbells. It is really nice to sweat outside in the sun. The best part about exercising during the quarantine is the feeling of refreshment after I am done. I think that it is easy to get down on yourself during these trying times, but a quick home workout could you some good, both mentally and physically.

With this being said, there are more activities that I would like to do that I think could help with my mental health.

I want to read more. I am almost finished with the book Outliers by Malcom Gladwell, but I have yet to pick it up during this quarantine. I really need to get back to reading it. I get bored in life if I am not learning anything new, and reading is a way for me to learn new things.

I want to write more. I find that I can really express myself though writing and when I am not expressing myself my mental health really suffers. It is a good feeling to be able to put my emotions into words. I guess it makes them real in a way.

I want to build something. Putting together a mini home-workout gym with cinder blocks gave me a sense of accomplishment that I want more of. I found a broken basketball goal on the side of the road the other day. The back board has a hole in it. I am going to figure out a way to fix it.

All in all, this is a wild time in our lives. I haven’t been able to hangout with any friends in weeks and that is really driving me crazy. I am seriously worried about my loved ones catching the virus. I feel like life has been paused and I honestly do not know what to do about it. Is there a right way to go about this? I don’t think anyone knows. All we can do is try our best to make something positive out of this negative situation.

Thanks for reading.

Who is Randy Boner?

I know that it has been a while since you last heard from me. Please understand that sometimes I let my life take its course without being the best driver. Now I know that this was supposed to be an outlet to share my love of fishing with you all, but I am done putting myself in a ~~box~~.

I have been struggling with expression.

It dawned on me not too long ago that not only do I like to express myself, I seriously need to for my mental health. The words mental health almost scare me as I type them, but I am here to say that I lost focus on my mental health.

Emotions would come and go without me ever saying a word to anyone. I found myself keeping feelings in that I should have been expressing to the people I love.

The hard way of learning hit different when I found myself having an emotional breakdown, parked at a random post office, with a homeless man knocking on my window for some change.

As it turns out, I believe that some change is all I really need.

I think that external transformation can be very important, especially if you find yourself in a toxic environment. But the reality is if I can’t figure out what it is about myself that is holding me back, no outside change will ever be enough.

I dug deep through all the stubborn layers of my mind.

What is causing me this emotional distress?

Why do I feel ~~so lonely~~ when I can count so many people who I know care about me off the top of my head?

What am I so afraid of?

The worst part about feeling lonely is that it feels like you have no one to talk to. Or even worse, no one wants to talk to you about your problems.

Well, Randy, how would anyone know about your problems if you don’t express your true feelings with anyone? Maybe you feel so lonely because you subconsciously excluded everyone in your life from the real you.

I learned something about myself that I absolutely despise. It is extremely hard for me to be vulnerable. I don’t know what about being vulnerable is hard for me, but it is very clear that this has been a big issue in my life lately.

It is so obvious to me now that I have been missing on the most important aspect of a friendship: the connection.

Without vulnerability true connection is not possible. It takes opening up by sharing real thoughts and feelings to truly be understood and respected.

In the short time it has been since this realization, it feels like the heaviest weight has been lifted off of my entire body.

I got a hair cut in the midst of this identity crisis, but I feel fresh for other reasons.

I feel like myself again. I am working.

Thanks for reading.